Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
