I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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