I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
COCAINE IS GR8
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
