She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
