MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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