the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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