DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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