How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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