last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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