6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
