You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
