Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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