the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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