I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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