her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
