So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
