walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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