You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
