i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
