Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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