Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
