Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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