great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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