WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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