my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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