There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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