the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
