New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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