Im at strip club and am horny
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
