im about as happy as oj after his trial
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
organizing the empties. That sober.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
