Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My vagina is officially offended.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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