dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
