??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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