Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
