You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
