I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
