I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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