After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
