I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
pray to the hookup gods
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
