Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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