I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
