I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize