Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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