You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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