remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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