watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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