i permit you to call me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
