Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
