Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
