I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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