Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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