I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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