I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
