can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
