i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
