can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
As shirtless as possible
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
