I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
