His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
