it's not cheating when I paid for it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
