If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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