I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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