I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
